A Pointless Thing To Say: "You're Disrespecting Me"

 Examples of The "Disrespecting" Phrase:

· You’re disrespecting me.

· You’re not treating me with respect.

 Explanation: The Problem With Talking About Disrespect

We all want respect. However, it’s only in the last decade or two that people have really started to say so specifically. These phrases, starting with “you”, are still accusations, but that’s not the primary problem.

If you ask one hundred people what “respect” means to them, you’ll probably get two hundred different answers. We tend to believe that what WE think is respectful is universal, and it’s not. Unfortunately, when you ask for, or demand respect, it’s almost certain that the other person isn’t going to know what YOU mean. If they don’t know what behaviors or words are disrespectful to you, they can’t change them, even if they want to.

 Make It Better:

You are far better off removing the word “respect” from your vocabulary. When you focus on specifics, and take responsibility for YOUR emotional reactions, you’ll be far more likely to build bridges with the people you care about, and interact constructively. Don’t read “disrespect” into things people say. Deal with the specifics:

· John, when you tell me it’s too complicated for me to understand, I feel like you think I’m uneducated.

· Maria, my parents are conservative, so when you make jokes about sex, they feel uncomfortable around you.

· When you swear at me, I feel insulted, so could you please stop?