"No Problem..." How Poor Poor Pitiful Me Can Be Passive-Aggressive

 Examples - "No Problem. I'm Used To Being Dumped On":

No problem. I’m used to being dumped on.

No problem, I’m used to being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Hey, no problem. I’m used to having everything I say criticized.

 Explanation:

Passive-aggressive. Really passive-aggressive, and add to that the “poor poor pitiful me” victimhood statement, and you have a really destructive phrase.

One of the classic signs of a passive-aggressive statement is that it allows the person saying it to deny his or her emotion. Worse, Denial, in this context, means you can’t fix the problem. All the other person knows is that you are angry, but about what?

In this specific phrase, there’s the victimhood thing going on, where the person plays the martyr, the perpetual victim. It’s very unattractive, not to mention manipulative and crazy making.

Nobody is fooled, either. The motivation is clear to any listener. This person is trying to make the other person feel guilty, to manipulate the emotions of the other person.

Finally, it presupposes that you are often “dumped on”, and is likely to create a new argument about whether that is in fact, true generally, or true in the specific relationship.

 Make It Better And Build A Better Relationship:

If you ARE feeling dumped on, how do you handle it so the outcomes are more likely to be positive? First, you need to identify what’s going on inside you, since you can’t talk about something you are denying. Second, you need to express your feelings in a more direct, honest way, and do so without making an accusation. Unless you express your concerns in a clearer way, you and the other person will be unable to deal with them constructively. Third, give up the emotional manipulation, and finally, stop with the “poor, poor pitiful me” stuff that drives people away. Take responsibility for your own emotions. Acknowledge and accept your emotions, and provide enough information to the other person so a constructive discussion can occur.

When you tell me I’m not doing something properly, I feel a little like you are attacking me.

It hurts my feelings when you get angry with me for small things.

I think that’s the third time today, you’ve corrected my grammar, and it’s starting to bother me.

I’m not feeling very humorous right now, so could you stop making fun? I’d really appreciate it.