What Is SUBTLE Verbal Abuse?

In Imperfect Phrases For Relationships, you'll find 101 phrases that damage relationships. We probably all use some of these phrases occasionally, but when we use them (and others not listed) often, we drift into the SUBTLE verbal abuse situation.

We can create a pattern of communication where one or both people are actually being verbally abusive, and nobody notices. The relationship notices, though, and subtle verbal abuse eats through and corrodes relationships, almost certainly dooming them to failure.

Below is a brief point form explanation of what constitutes verbal abuse. It's based on our short LearnBytes Helpcard entitled: Identifying Subtle Verbal Abuse In Your Life.

The Characteristics of SUBTLE Verbal Abuse

It is exceedingly important that you understand some vital aspects of subtle verbal abuse. Make sure you read and understand the following before continuing.

• Something is verbally abusive if it demeans, or sends a message that the recipient is “less than” what they should be AND is unsolicited.
• Verbal abuse serves the needs of the sender, and ignores the needs of the recipient.
• Subtle verbally abusive speech doesn’t necessarily mean the individual is consciously trying to hurt you. Some people habitually speak using subtle verbal abuse. They may do so because they are tired, upset, angry and don’t know how to phrase things in constructive ways.
• All of us use subtle verbal abuse on occasion. That doesn’t make it acceptable, but it’s important not to over-react.
• Subtle verbal abuse is about hidden manipulation, where your feelings and behaviors are negatively and indirectly influenced. The words used are not themselves abusive, but the message that lies below the surface is.
• Subtle abuse is also used to obscure, or hide the issue under discussion, or create one or more of the following:

1. Confusion
2. Embarrassment
3. Intimidation
4. Anxiety

• Other strong negative emotions
• Generally subtle verbal abuse is used to put you off balance so the other person (or you if it’s you using them) can get his or her way or negatively affect how you feel.

Now What?

If you discover that your realize you may be using subtle verbal abuse techniques, the good news is you CAN do something about it. In Identifying Subtle Verbal Abuse In Your Life we map out more specific tactics people use to manipulate others. The task is simple. Stop doing those things. Ok. It's not that easy. It's not easy at all to break the patterns of a lifetime, but you CAN do it.