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"I definitely..." Can saying this damage your relationship?
Examples:
I definitely gave you the keys yesterday. You must have forgotten.
I definitely paid the bills on time.
I definitely know this as a fact.
Explanation: Why This Causes Communication Problems
There’s nothing wrong with being certain about something. A problem arises when you portray yourself as infallible. Once in a while, if you are actually sure, it’s not a problem.
If it’s a pattern within your relationship, the other person starts to resent it, and shuts down communication.
Since we all make mistakes, when you consistently present yourself as perfect, let’s say when you could have had a lapse of memory, the other person will want to knock you down a peg. That creates arguments when there’s no issue apart from HOW you communicate.
Make It Better: Alternatives To Arrogant And Stubborn Communication
Even if you think you are sure, QUALIFY your statements, with phrases like:
I’m pretty sure I gave you the keys yesterday.
I do recall paying the bills on time, but I could be wrong about that. Let me check our records, just to confirm I did that.
I read the report, and recall it said...but perhaps it’s worth checking to see if the way I interpreted it is correct.
These statements are much gentler in tone, and it does make a difference.
About The Author
Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.
He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.
You can browse his Amazon Author page by clicking the graphic above.
Fun Endorsements
Just Jenny from the block signing at the International Conference: Shut Your Trap, Listen, And Have The Relationship You Want