Don't Miss These Featured Pages

The Library - Hundreds of Relationship Tips And Advice From Abuse through Grandparenting

Experts Weigh In On Various Relationship Issues From Marriage To Workplace Relationships

Free Relationship Quizzes And Self-Assessments

Identifying And Dealing With Emotional And Verbal Abuse In Relationships

Workplace Bullying: How Should You Respond If You See Bullying? Are You Supporting In By Your Silence?

Get The Entire Book

It's a lot easier to learn from Imperfect Phrases For Relationships if you have the entire book in your hands. And, the price is low. The book is available in print, in Kindle format, and in an instantly downloadable version (PDF), which is great if you are in a hurry. Below are the links so you can get your own copy, or better yet, get two copies, one for each of you in your most important relationship.

 

Get the book at Amazon USA
Get the book at Amazon Canada
Get the book at Amazon UK (Great Britain)
Get it for your Kindle Or Kindle Compatable Device
Download it in PDF format and save

Search

 

The Three Rings of Relationships
By Annie Kaszina

Editor's Summary: Do you have friendships or intimate relationships that fizzle out very quickly and for now seemingly good reason? This article can help you puzzle out the reasons for these happening. Learn more about the three rings of relationships to determine if you are constantly mistaking a second ring relationship for a first ring relationship.


Glenna Trout is an international authority on face reading whose name I first registered in the context of Domestic Violence. (She contributed to The Kent Constabulary's extraordinarily informative leaflet on Domestic Violence.) As her eyes read my face, she talked about the Three Rings.

Briefly, all of our relationships fall somewhere within these three concentric rings. It was as she spoke of the Second Ring that Glenna placed a hand supportively on my shoulder. Glenna talked and I squirmed slightly in my seat, marvelling at how some more piece of the jigsaw had fallen into place

I pass what she said on to you in the hope that it will be as enlightening for you as it was for me. The language and any shortcomings are mine.

The Third Ring

This is the outermost ring and it comprises the people with whom you have, quite literally, a nodding acquaintance. Your interaction with them may be pleasant enough. It comes about not by design, but simply because your paths cross.

The Second Ring

These people you meet and become familiar with in specific circumstance. You tend to become close quite quickly; you may share affinities that matter a lot at the time. These relationships are more closely connected to where you are in your life at the time than they are to who you truly are.

Second Ring relationships include the kind of 'instant' friendships you strike up on holiday, workplace friendships, as well as the 'new mothers together' bond. They tend not to survive the specific circumstance in which they grew up for too long.

Glenna points out how easy it is to confuse Second Ring romances with First Ring love. There will be a common interest or experience that throws two people together so that, at the start, they share something quite powerful. Rather than defining the nature of the bond, they are swayed by its force into believing in its quality and its durability.

Two people who throw themselves into a Second Ring romance may well share a common hurt or problem, so that each has an unusual degree of awareness of what the other is feeling - and a sense that the other is equally aware of what they are feeling. It would be quick and easy to say that this intimate knowledge of the other person's feeling is indicative of a high level of mutual understanding and empathy, but it would be wrong.

Although it may look initially like understanding and it may feel like empathy, it is something quite different. What has happened is that two people have come together both looking for the same thing. Their assumption is that, since the other knows what they have been through and what they want so intimately, the other will be able to heal them and make them whole. He will satisfy their previously unmet needs.

In short, the other person is there to do for them what they cannot do for themselves.

With time, both come to realise that rather than mutual healing there will be an increasingly urgent battle to get their own needs met, because neither has the necessary resources to still the other's old pain. The abusive partner will find some release in masking his needs by shifting blame onto the other, who will be labelled 'too needy and dependent'.

Their needs brought them together and their needs will drive them apart but only after they have undergone profound disillusionment and suffering together.

Second Ring romances typify the adage: "marry in haste and relent at leisure". We let the wrong person through too many boundaries, too fast, without finding out the things we really needed to know about them.

The First Ring

The First Ring is the domain of truly loving, nurturing relationships with a partner, close friends and family. It is the circle of congruence: people's actions are consistent with their words.

Unlike a Second Ring romance, in which one partner may protest undying love, but will, increasingly, treat the other with contempt and hostility, a First Ring partner has the personal resources to care for and treat the other as well as they treat themselves.

First Ring people are not saints, but they are mature, functional human beings who are not always clamouring to get their needs met first.

There would be a lot more to say about First Ring relationships, but our focus, here, is on The Second Ring because that is the ring over which we should have the greatest control, but often do not. It is also the ring where a great deal of emotional damage occurs, that we can learn to prevent.

(C) Annie Kaszina 2005 Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal the trauma of the past, so they can enjoy the present and look forward to the future.

Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

About The Author

Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.

He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.

You can browse his Amazon Author page by clicking the graphic above.

Fun Endorsements

JLo signing Imperfect Phrases For Better Relationships by Robert Bacal

Just Jenny from the block signing at the International Conference: Shut Your Trap, Listen, And Have The Relationship You Want

About Company

Bacal & Associates is a small training, consulting and publishing company specializing in government. Founded in 1992, we have been serving government training and consulting needs for 22 years. We focus on customer service, communication, performance management, and other management challenges within the public sector.

Privacy Policy

Our Related Sites

Conflict Management and Resolution Resource Center
Help, tips and advice for dealing effectively with conflict in families, or at work.

Success In The Workplace
Our main site with over 400 articles on life in the workplace. Whether you are an employee, a manager, or an HR professional there's advice and tips on how to be more successful at work.

 

Philosophy

While some companies try to engage visitors with fancy graphics and videos, we've committed to being a content centered, advice oriented company that can provide you with the advice, tips, and information you need and want about building better relationships. We limit the use of graphics and stress quality content. We also believe in a NO HYPE environment. Our product and service descriptions are free of overblown claims, and selling.

Get in Touch

  • Phone:
    (613) 764-0241
  • Email:
    ceo@work911.com
  • Address:
    722 St. Isidore Rd.
    Casselman, Ontario, Canada
  • K0A 1M0