Don't Miss These Featured Pages

The Library - Hundreds of Relationship Tips And Advice From Abuse through Grandparenting

Experts Weigh In On Various Relationship Issues From Marriage To Workplace Relationships

Free Relationship Quizzes And Self-Assessments

Identifying And Dealing With Emotional And Verbal Abuse In Relationships

Workplace Bullying: How Should You Respond If You See Bullying? Are You Supporting In By Your Silence?

Get The Entire Book

It's a lot easier to learn from Imperfect Phrases For Relationships if you have the entire book in your hands. And, the price is low. The book is available in print, in Kindle format, and in an instantly downloadable version (PDF), which is great if you are in a hurry. Below are the links so you can get your own copy, or better yet, get two copies, one for each of you in your most important relationship.

 

Get the book at Amazon USA
Get the book at Amazon Canada
Get the book at Amazon UK (Great Britain)
Get it for your Kindle Or Kindle Compatable Device
Download it in PDF format and save

Search

 

I Win, You Win...Can We Both Win?
By Azriel Winnett

Editor's Summary: Why aren't all relationship problems solved with just a little creativity and imagination? It is because conflict does not necessarily arise out of a lack of creativity or imagination. Faulty communication is more likely the culprit. This article provides you with some straight-forward tips for improving your communication skills with your spouse and with your children.


John, a young man who had been married for six months, was beginning to feel a little cheesed off with the institution - of marriage.

He confided to his best friend, Gary, that married life - well, at least, his married life - was not all that it had been cracked up to be.

"It looks like you need to speak to someone, John," said Gary, sympathetically. "I mean, someone with experience in these matters. Now, I know a good person, an old man, and a wise one, who'll give you just the right advice. He's brilliant. And it won't cost you a cent."

John didn't need to be told twice. He arrived at the old man's door, knocked, and introduced himself.

"We've been married for only a few months," he wailed, "and already there are tensions."

"Really? In what way?"

"Well, I roll and she squeezes!"

The wise counselor's eyebrows knitted together in puzzlement, but even before he could ask for an explanation, the whole sad story came blurting out.

"You see, I like to roll the toothpaste gently. That's clean, it's efficient and it's economical. But she insists on taking the tube in her hand and giving it a good squeeze..."

"No problem!" proclaimed the old man. "Buy two tubes of toothpaste."

Neat, isn't it? A little imagination and creativity can go a long way towards resolving interpersonal conflicts.

But you know, and I know, that it doesn't always work that way.It SHOULD, but it doesn't. Why not?

Faulty communication pattern?

Sometimes, one of the parties is just plain stubborn. Other times, a moral principle may be involved that simply does not allow any compromise.

But more often than not, a faulty communication pattern is the culprit.

Mary is a housewife with a brood of healthy little children - maybe a little too healthy, for keeping them in check is far more than a full time job on its own. She's also trying to set up a home business, and is involved with various community projects.

Her husband comes home at the end of a long. long day, and she barely manages to utter a plaintive: "Phew, am I exhausted!"

"I've told you before you're taking on too much," he replies. "Half of the work you do is totally unnecessary."

Does this make Mary feel better? No, she feels worse. Another time she might have appreciated this well meaning advice, but certainly not now.

At this moment, what she would have loved to hear is something like:

"Yes, you look so tired. It must have been a really rough day. Why don't you relax a little while I attend to the kids?"

Now, Mary, fortunately, is a mature and emotionally stable adult. She understands hubby's good intentions, and won't take the whole thing too much to heart.

But if she had been a child, she might have been far more vulnerable, and it's quite surprising how the Mary's of this world often don't give their own children the understanding they expect from others.

A simple example - a scene that takes place in millions of households every day of the year - might make make my point clear.

You want little Johnny to drink up his milk, because you believe it's good for him.

"Yikes! This stuff tastes awful!" he protests.

How do you react? Do you tell him:

"Aw..come on...everybody thinks it's delicious!" Or: "Don't exaggerate, it's not so bad!"

<>If you do, what's the inevitable outcome? Well, you know yourself...

Facing the facts

Parents with experience know that to stand any chance of success, they have to face facts. They have to respond in a different way:

"The milk tastes bad to you?"

Excellent! But what's happening here?

The parent hasn't stated that she agrees with the child. But in five or six words, she has acknowledged how he feels. She has validated his concern.

At this point, she can continue: "I know its not nice to drink something you don't like, but we want you to grow up healthy and strong. Let's put some flavoring in so it will taste better.."

Project accomplished!

What we see here is a negotiating strategy which is simple in essence, but has countless applications in interpersonal relations.

Among people doing business on the Internet, "win-win" has become a familiar buzzword. "You put my banner on your site, and I'll put yours on mine. Send me a client, and I'll refer one to you in return.."

 

Let's talk more about "win-win" in human relationships - not for the sake of petty personal advantage, but to bring more happiness into all our lives.

Want some homework? Look again at our opening story, and think about what John could do if he could only afford ONE tube of toothpaste..

Azriel Winnett is the creator of HODU.COM YOUR COMMUNICATIONS SKILLs PORTAL. This popular website helps you to improve your communication and relationship skills in your business and professional life, in the family unit and on the social scene. New material added almost daily.

About The Author

Robert's books have sold over 300 thousand copies worldwide, and have been translated into Chinese, French, German and Japanese.

He holds a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology, and has taught clinical and counselling psychology at the college level.

You can browse his Amazon Author page by clicking the graphic above.

Fun Endorsements

JLo signing Imperfect Phrases For Better Relationships by Robert Bacal

Just Jenny from the block signing at the International Conference: Shut Your Trap, Listen, And Have The Relationship You Want

About Company

Bacal & Associates is a small training, consulting and publishing company specializing in government. Founded in 1992, we have been serving government training and consulting needs for 22 years. We focus on customer service, communication, performance management, and other management challenges within the public sector.

Privacy Policy

Our Related Sites

Conflict Management and Resolution Resource Center
Help, tips and advice for dealing effectively with conflict in families, or at work.

Success In The Workplace
Our main site with over 400 articles on life in the workplace. Whether you are an employee, a manager, or an HR professional there's advice and tips on how to be more successful at work.

 

Philosophy

While some companies try to engage visitors with fancy graphics and videos, we've committed to being a content centered, advice oriented company that can provide you with the advice, tips, and information you need and want about building better relationships. We limit the use of graphics and stress quality content. We also believe in a NO HYPE environment. Our product and service descriptions are free of overblown claims, and selling.

Get in Touch

  • Phone:
    (613) 764-0241
  • Email:
    ceo@work911.com
  • Address:
    722 St. Isidore Rd.
    Casselman, Ontario, Canada
  • K0A 1M0